5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
