So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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