he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
