She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
