listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
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