can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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