I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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