You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
