My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
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