She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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