it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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