You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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