Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Houston, we have a blender
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize