I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
