she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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