she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I'm passing your future prison.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
