It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
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