He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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