Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
