one might say we're banned from that church
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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