I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
being pregnant is like rehab
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
