last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
he just fucked me for my cheese.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
