Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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