Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
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