Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
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Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
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He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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