so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm both gender and math confused
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
