how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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