accomplished twins. life is a go
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
Randomize
