you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
