WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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