sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
