If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
