First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
