she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Randomize
