you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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