Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I looked at my own cervix.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
