hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
