if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
did i just pee glitter
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize