That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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