he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Send help, water and tortillas.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
