Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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