im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
try to milk me bitch
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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