On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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