I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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