ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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