i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
