so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
