I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
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