Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
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