I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
