She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
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