shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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