Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
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