Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
