The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
