he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
Randomize
