I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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