we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
