WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Randomize
