How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
