There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
