i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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