In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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