Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Idk if I want to put a bra on
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