...so i touched it.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
