I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
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He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
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