So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.