Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?