OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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