You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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