My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
