i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
