No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
