i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Randomize