I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Randomize
