omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Randomize
