I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
