My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Randomize
