he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
