the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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