Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
