I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
