no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Randomize
